Why,I miss you.

I never fancy to do any emotional post.I knew it would not,in a least bit,attract anybody to read it.But I just passed my Arabic and got in the first place when I thought I was gonna get the worst mark of Arabic in the whole school! No,that is not exactly it.The day I knew I was gonna fail was another day I ranted and sprayed all of my annoyance and anger to him about me screwing up on that test.Instead of telling me of aggravating I was acting like,he comforted me in a way not any immature jerks out there would do.Don't get the wrong idea.He's not my boyfriend or even somebody you call a crush.He's rather like a father who would scold his daughter when she's turning in the wrong direction,giving wise lectures,nag like any other father would do.Yes,I might not know him much but nobody ever make me feel better like that.He almost seem to be..magical.

You know yourself.Things won't always be the way it always is.Even when it feels as if you have found somebody you never thought of seeing.How from that endless,never-ran-out-of-topics, daily conversations turn into merely memories to be treasured.He's..changed.This is for the millionth time that I've said it.I even told him this but he said he was only caught up with everything.But how can he squandered even for 5 minutes how-is-your-test conversation with his other friends? That never really bothered me actually since y'know,who am I to wonder why he's acting that way but really? I care actually.I envy.Cause I miss talking until midnight with him.Look,we act way back on the cycle,as a stranger.It's just funny how you wake up the next day and people are staying away from you.

I have nothing to expect :) I just wish for the best.Never my heart was broken beyond repair.People have reasons why the come and go and probably,just probably,you might be one of my favourite teenage memory I would forever remember.

Yes,I'm speaking of YOU!

Stop being humble.You are never awared of what lies within you.You thought you've no talent.Look at you.You are never indifferent.You have something very bizarre.Your way of thinking,you're not cheesy in dressing just like any other jerks do,you are educated,far more educated than any other boys I knew.I guess the friends who surround you are perfectly talented? that they have to worry about nothing? No,they've got insecurities too.They've got days when they feel so effed up.

I admit,talking before the crowd is definitely my passion but when you bring me talking infront of the camera,I would totally go awkward.Just like the last time I went to RTB for the recording day,my heart thumped so loudly I was scared it might pop my eardrum.I've been performing and talking infront of an audience for years,eversince I was little,indeed.Gaining self-confidence is what has often happened in life.Getting praises and compliments,I'm accustomed to it.Which makes talking infront of the crowd a total piece of cake.But I also have my own insecurities.I always feel..unattractive.Comparing myself constantly with the other dolls crush my self-esteem every single time I went out of the house without make-ups.But I knew,comparing myself to the others don't make me any bit prettier.

You might think you have no talents.But you never knew.Keep on dreaming as if you will never die.When you live your life to the fullest,you have nothing to regret,I guarentee.

Anonymous : "I got it now why you didn't even want to talk about boys"

Me : "no,I really don't fancy to talk about 'em.How premature would that sounds like.I have a lot more greater things to be talked about"

Anonymous : "You were hurt."

Me : "I WAS NOT."

Anonymous : "Stop denying it.No matter how many boys you've encountered,you're always reminded of him"

Yay! No Tilawah class this morning :D Don't you just love it when you usually have to rather reluctantly wake up so much early at the morning to go to the Tilawah class and today,you can just skip it like that? Dad doesn't mind much,though.I don't know what mum is gonna think 'cause she is often crossed whenever I made my absenteeism.

Last night had been a whole lot unproductive,a total contrast with what I had earlier planned.Final exam is only less 3 months to come and I have only prepared a least bit of memorizations.And no,I haven't made any revisions.Not even my endless homeworks! This is what has always happened when everybody is supposed to be enjoying their Saturday night doing things they love.I tend to watch telly inside of my parents' room and fall asleep a tick right after that.Isn't that such a waste of time to fall asleep very early when you have tons of other things to do!? but whatever.Sunday is gonna be more productive..I guess.

Oh,my point of writing this post is actually to tell I didn't get the first place in class for my exam.It's not that I'm being ungrateful but Sir Arif told me after seeing my whole results that I'd get the first place in class but it turned out that I descended to the second one instead.I didn't even get an A for Math which is not so much of a bummer 'cause I couldn't care less eventhough I knew dad is going to kill me.And my English Literature class is now having some sort of a recess for a week or so.Sir Sam is getting busier than ever,I don't have the heart to have his time to teach me every break time at the library.

I'll be going out to watch a movie and have some kind of a teenage-weekend with a bunch of friends.We have even planned what to buy and stuffs haha 'cause apparently,I'm running out of make ups and I am in need of some.Benifits products sounds good but a little bit pricier than Mac's.I'm getting a perfume too,Paris Hiltons' and Victoria Secrets' but I guess that have to wait since I have a load more essential stuffs to be purchased lol.

And oohh,before I could forget,I wanna give a huge round of applause to this fantastic latest novel I got.It is called Pictures of Lily by Paige Toon.Congratulations to her to produce such a great heart-touching book.I never get it why I like the kind of romance that is quiet similar to Titanic's.You know,the kind of romance story where the two of them were happy together and suddenly they seperated because one had to emigrate and one had to get married or whatever and the two of them kept on thinking of each other until ten years or so had passed.One was dead and another told the story to his or her grandchildren.Urgh,I am so not good in decribing things! anyways,if you are in case of looking for a worth-it book to read on,I highly recommend the book I had mentioned earlier.It was only for $19.90,sold at Best Eastern :)

Mark this day down,July 7th 2011.

I can't...I can't articulate of how my euphoria is constantly soaring up as time is passing by! If you've already been in my Facebook contact list,you would surely know that I was to have my first English speech ever in front of a sea of students.This is indeed something new for I usually did almost everything that I had,in Malay or rather,Arabic.But to speak before hundreds of people in English,na'uh,but it is something I utterly love the most! I like being the centre of attention of everyone,in a good way,of course.

The speech started off with a few of awkward lines that I unpurposefully blurted out.It went,'Pleasant morning,ladies and gentlemen.How has the day been treating you so far?' When there was no response,it immediately dawned to me that they must had been quizzical.But fortunately,I did say 'I mean..how are you? *chuckled*' and they did too haha and I continued presenting my speech in a so-informal-way.Could you even believe that I presented as if I was talking to them? I mean,people would usually present their speech in a monotone that would eventually doze people off.So,I tried to find a way that'd keep people entertained and make them to listen very intently to me.And that is,by talking so spontaneously that I didn't even want to look down on my text paper.They did listen to me very carefully.They did stare at me as if I held the meaning of life.But when it came to the line of 'who cares about that brand new zit',laughter could be heard.And I was to mention about the winnie the pooh's tummy but I thought that would be twice humiliating hahaha.Oh yeah,my speech was about confidence anyway.

But I went absent-minded at the midst of my speech performance and accidently uttered 'I forgot what to say next...' and they laughed,literally laughed.I didn't mind though.I liked it,actually.I asked a friend who was standing at the same podium with me,[since she also had her Arabic speech earlier],to open up the book that I had written my lines in it.And she did.And when she did,she opened up the wrong page since I didn't have my texts in a proper order.So I was like 'eh apani?' and they went laughing again.But I managed to keep them listening very sooner afterwards."Well,I guess that is pretty enough for my speech today *smiled* the next mement you'll walk in your class,I wanna see THAT squared shoulder and the pretty smile *smiled* I highly appreciate your undivided attention and.." I looked to my right where my friend was,to indicate her to show me my text but she didn't get it and she made me said 'ahh I forgot this one again' out loud.And yes they laughed again! hahah .I continued "oh,till I stand here again,Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi wabarakatuh".And you need to guess what,as I stepped down the podium,there was this MASSIVELY LOUD round of applause! And you know what,THAT round of applause is probably the most rare one.Not to brag,but only the good ones were given.There was once this girl who made her speech in Arabic and she did it so impressively that everybody gave that same round of applause and yay! I got one too!

Couple of moments after my speech finished,Sir Ali Kanan,the most professional English teacher in our school,came up at the podium and spoke.He spoke of how impressive I had been on presenting my speech."We had just seen a girl presenting a speech so beautifully.The intonation is perfect,the way she talked.I had been waiting for this day.For somebody to speak in a confident,off-handed way.I like the speech! Did you girls like it too?" and everybody cried "YEES!".I went overly ecstatic and smiled the whole time he was speaking.When the assembly was over,I walked back to my class and a couple of old friends told me how great I had been.At the class,the girls congratulated me and Nazihah told me how she kept hearing endless compliments being given to me all the way I was presenting my speech.Nabilah,a girl from next class,came up to hand in something to a friend and when she saw me,she instantly went 'oh you! you've got a great time speaking,haven't you? I enjoyed'.Break time means it is time to finally go to a place where I wish I'd be at the every single time of my life! Yes,it's the library.While I was on my way,there was a group of year 7 kids walking past me but before they did,one of the girls said 'Hi,Ka!' to me.And since I didn't wear my glassess I just pretended as though I knew who she was and said "oh heeeey!",very enthusiastically.It was packed at the library and when I sat alone on this one place,there were girls after girls pointing and staring at me.It was..umm..kind of weird.I wasn't saying I had gained fame that whole day but this is just plain weird.

School time was over and it was about time to get home.As I made my exit,the girl from another class on my grade said hello to me and complimented of how splendid my speech and my accent was.On my way to my ride,Ka Fazira,a senior in our school, shrieked to me,'heeey! lawa speech sama English mu! The best one I have ever heard' and you know,that compliment made my whole day.Not to mention when a student from the class Sausan told me the same thing.But those aren't the end.Girls from my school kept on texting me on Facebook telling how terrific my accent sounded like.I even told my parents about all of these and mom constantly beamed but as ussual,dad would conceal his awe and reacted nothing like a proud father but I knew,deep inside he is proud :)

These little episodes gave me motivations to put a bigger amount of effort towards achieving my dream.I had been feeling like a total idiot lately and I knew,I might be one at times but we can never grieve.Rising everytime we fall is all we have got to do.