I posted that picture a moment ago on facebook and I don't acknowledge if anybody actually notice my creepy eyebags.When on earth did I actually get those !? :O Sucha turn off..and tactless men are too haha oh,you discern that plaid top I wear? I got it last year for a present but I seldom wear and I instantly got a feeling of need to put that on today so I did :) It is much more comfortable though.

My cheeks don't even lose a little bit of flesh! FYI,I'm currently in my low-carbs diet in the sake of my fleshy cheecks but URGH i dont even lose a little bit of it! perhaps,I gain them even! Mind not about that.I'll get that eyebags off my face soon.Loathe to eye it,as I told Ryoshi haha he commented on this photo saying I still look the same.And he actually teased me with my creepy eyebags and the congenial plaid tops saying I'm in the old foggy club now haha nooow,he does has a sense of humour.

Don't mind me about my exam tommorow,please :-( The second I opened up my Geography file to read the notes,my head instantly fell to the study table.It isn't boring! I love Geography.I've got no idea how could I even feel sleepy revising it so I stopped.And here I am right now,worrying how would I be able to finish the Geography revision for it needs approximately 4 to 6 hours to finish the whole file! Not to mention that I still have my Tauhid memorization which needs maybe around THE WHOLE DAY to memorize the whole book! Psh.Life is never simple.

My Arabic exam paper should've thanked Ryoshi for not letting me to curse it! I was so distraught for what I had done with it.I screwed up,okay.The question wanted me to do a letter format but instead I did it narratively! That made me wonder why I still chose that difficult question while there is this one narrative writing that is really easy I could even get at least a B! Thinkin' back how I had screwed up on a lot of Arabic exam paper [FYI,there is more than 3 Arabic exam papers.I know HOW DAFT that is] and how I would've failed in all of 'em,I had practically cried.Ryoshi deliberately asked about the exam.I kind of sprayed my devastation and sort of my anger to him.He never whines.He listens,always,and motivates me.No,don't get the wrong idea.Ryoshi is always an amazing friend of mine who is always there and somebody who I would always look to whenever I feel dismay.I mean,that is what friends are for,right?


School was tideous.They had been talking about teens-day-out for the upcoming holiday and I don't think I'll be able to join in in any of them.I would love to but..nevermind,I don't wanna talk about that.Oh yeah,Bell bumped into Wafa yesterday at the library! I should've came with her! AAAAAAAAAHH haha c'mon mahn,that's Wafa that she bumped into,okay! haha :)

Daddy scolded me :( ..for insisting not to come to the Tilawah class and how I'm still frolicking around while I'm still having my exam.I've got to agree,though.I've only memorized a few pages out of 30 for my Fiqh exam tommorow! I didn't come for the Tilawah class 'cause..well,I don't know,I thought today would be the last day before the holiday starts.I sat before the laptop instead of working out and doing anything productive.

I lost my LG phone that my uncle bought for me at Australia.Gosh seriously,they're selling none in Brunei! Before I could even knew it,I lost my digital camera as well.I don't fancy that heavy black canon.I used to,but i'd lost intrest.Now,how am I gonna take pictures!? LIFE COULDN'T BE ANY WORSE.Oh,how about,instead of whining and grumbling here,it wouldn't hurt if i could just memorize bit by bit or work out or sleep or whatever.Being in home is a torture.

Funny how everybody is currently dating their crush while ME here is foolin' around with books.Not that i desire a relationship,i just want a simple 'hi' or a 10-min conversation with him.Look,even Ryoshi is soo caught up with his works and Wafa is minding his own bussiness and seems to neglect his internet life.Whatever.I have a life to live for too,y'know haha :)

Life is very unintresting.I'm supposed to tell you how stressful life is nowadays but no,it's very unintresting.It's an exam week currently and will continue till next week when it will also be the last day of holiday.C.Science and Arabic Literature 2 are up tommorow.But I haven't revised a single thing yet.


To me,Friday is all about intentionally waking up at 7 in the morning and feel very tideous at the initial thought of going to the Tilawah class.There is nothing more I'm very dread of but Tilawah class is just soo boring.Whenever mom knocks on my door I would pretend I don't actually hear it till she pounds hard.This morning,I tried the same trick but mom said 'open up this door first' and I was kind of afraid so I did.Mom compelled me to go to the Tilawah class and I told her I have Combined Science subject for exam tommorow which is the hardest subject and Arabic Literature which I loathe so much but mom managed to persuade me with her being all 'You just have to come.It'll be holiday next week and you won't be coming again.Dad will also bring you out to shop after finish your class' and I abruptly widen my eyes and agreed to go.



It turned out that mom came along too.Tilawah class is getting better.Though I've got no friends other than my own schoolmates.It's the only the both of 'em and I have nobody else there.The teacher is pretty serious but super cool too.There is this one group of chicks who wear very fancy outfits and have a darn good voice as well.Whenever one of the girls sing the highest note that I have no confidence I would do,all of the members are gonna be applauding and cheering and they look so meer.I sat there like a pathetic doll being sold on the store but no children wants to buy it.After Tilawah class was finished,I went out shopping with mom.Dad didn't look like he had his mood to go out so he just stayed in the car.I could say the last time I had my shopping done with my dad it was really awesome.I got to buy anything and he would wait for me choosing my stuffs.Cause I love to try out new products every months.But mom turned out to be so stern like when I wanted to purchase this one product,mom would study it first and tell me its not gonna work out for me or my hair product won't do me much good.But I'm the type of girl who gives no damn so I just keep on shopping.Oh I was talkin' about toileteries though hahah cause I love to shop for toileteries rather than clothes and shoes but duh who doesn't enjoy shopping for both?


I arrived back home at 11 and got straight to my laptop.Cause I think I would've spent a mere hour on the Internet.When it is now 1.30! I have Combined Science tommorow and Arabic Literature 2 for my exam so..will I get a wish for a good luck? :)

My other mates and I were called to the principal office this morning.The principle herself shouted at the top of her lung and curted on how bad-behaving we are.OH WELL,WELL,WELL.I never fail to put that OH-SO-WHAT'S-THE-NEXT-SHIT-YOU-GONNA-THROW look on my face.I can say we were actually detained and I could hold no shit of 'em no more and OH FORTUNATELY,BABY one of my teacher came in and said I was needed for the Drama practice.

My teacher who came in finally asked me what is actually going on and well,I told him everything and I was laughin' also at the same time.So he was like 'you aren't afraid at all??' and I was like 'I AINT GONNA BE LESS STURDY'.

'Yes,you're a very strong girl.Very weird,also.When everybody cried,you didn't.You have your whole self on your own',said he.Strangers must've thought I'm one scaredy cat.I look like one.Anybody who is closest to me must've known I'm actually one strong girl.I have the whole control of myself.I know how to mask everything.I know how to change people's judgement to me.But NOBODY,NOBODY,have ever ever know how once I came back home,I would break down and sit in one isolated corner in my room and have a good cry.

Everything is practically taken away from me.Ryoshi said to me last night that he wanted to grow some distance between us until he feels good again.Zima and I aren't that close no more.We don't have much time for each other.My BEST BEST mates thought our eternal-called happiness is gonna come to a sudden end.Mom've changed.Dad have too.They're busier than ever and I don't think I can confide in with 'em anymore.I'm losing myself.I've never felt this depressed for the whole months of 2011.I thought it was gonna be my year.OUR year,too.I've archieved a lot of things I never thought I would.I could see a future is shining.I could see me,being happiest,every single day and excell in studies.But no,it no turn out that way.It initially was,but yes,I screwed up.My school's dicipline teacher was taken aback to hear my surname.I came from a family that everybody respects.Well,almost.I got in in a school where only the best would be accepted.I got in in an additional class where only the best could be got in.I got in in competitions where only the best could win.I AM ALWAYS THE BEST AND NOTHING CAN EVER EVER BE ON MY WAY.


Exam starts tommorow.I've got to be unruffled.Completely,unruffled.I need to keep these things aside and start to focus more on my studies.This ain't gonna last forever.I'll improve this mid-year though I have no complete preparation.I'll be stronger after I analyse all the obstacles I've been facing for the whole years of my life.I'll smile and say ' see? all those people and things who had been trying to ruin my life,merely made me even more sturdy.'

Things have turned upside down nowadays.I don't feel happy being at school anymore.I think that everybody used to know how much I love school and how I used to immensely enthusiastic for my studies.I'm not exactly certain how much I've changed.But,let's just put it this way.

1.I used to wake up very early at dawn and automatically I will say to myself , ' it's time for school and you gonna kick your socks off! '

Today,waking up is such a hard thing to do.

2.The class have always had that breathtaking atmosphere.It was as though,a place that I could ever dreamt of.Well,to me,that was.

How fast the atmostphere and situations,AND EVEN PEOPLE,could change.It doesn't feel the same no more.

3.I had never lose my concentration.I paid all of my heed and did every single one of my homeworks.

Concentrating can be very exhausting.I've something else that is actually running through my mind :S


It may not seem much but you won't ever know how it would affect my studies.THAT SPIRIT,PEOLE.THAT SPIRIT.I NEED THAT LOST SPIRIT.Exam is only a week to come and I haven't made any decent preparations yet.

We were called this morning for the TV programme cast.I was sure to be the narrator.Okay,let me say this here.I don't see myself as a narrator at all haha I mean,isn't a narrator supposed to mean as the people who talks about the story line of the movie WITHOUT even showing how he or she looks like.Well,I've got to talk infront of the camera [which WILL show how I look like] and I have to do those weird hand movements.It sounds fun but I can't wait to see how it will turn out.

Thursday

I can say Thursday started off very hastily.How I said hastily is,I woke up at 5.45 in the morning when I ussually did at 4! 'Cause if you are a minute late than 6.10,you won't get to reach the school.That's how dicipline is to me..and my parents.


I still managed to calmly take my shower,put on my clothes and even doing my books! Ate sandwich for my breakfast and memorized my Arabic subjects while I was on my way to school.Needless to say,I stayed relax.Thursday was awful initially.I wasn't able to concentrate on anything and all I merely did was hanging out with my friends and had a good laughter.Yes,it is good to do it once in a while or even after you had had your homeworks and revisions done.But no,I didn't have anything done yet and I kept on wasting my time.

But good news is,Reena,came to class looking for me and she was like 'May I meet Chella,please?' and I,at that time,was talking to my other friends and glanced at her and what came first to my mind was 'thaheck is this tall girl coming in my class?'.FYI,nobody in my school calls me Chella.Some of them do but,not very often.It's just a name in disguise.Everybody calls me that on Facebook but,no,not in real life.Oh back to Reena.She came to my class and beckoned to me.So I walked to her and I kept an arm's length between the both of us,literally,because she is just soo tall that when I talked to her I would slightly have to look up at her.So she asked me if I wanna join a Debate Competition and I said 'Yes!' right straight away.I've never been in any Debate Competition anytime before and I've been yearning to be in one so I went back to my seat ecstatically and I shouted to the class 'ILL BE PARTICIPATING!' and they were all 'what?' hahah but a very delightful thing to tell,that is.

At Hadith class,my teacher told me I got a part for a TV programme for this year's Ramadhan!I won't be the actress but better.A narrator! :D I can't act but to speak is my enthusiasm.Anyways,I caught a cold after lunch perhaps.My head was throbbing endlessly.I was paying no attention at Math class for the air-conditioner was only a couple of metres away from me! Bad news is,Math topical test will be next week.I have covered every single topic on graph but I'm very doubtful about it so I'll have a study group with my Math-geek friend,Iffa,tommorow :)

Another good news is to come .. *drumrolls* .. I'VE GOT THE HIGHEST MARK ON PHYSIC'S TOPICAL TEST!! I had been whining and grumbling all about how hard Physics is and I envied how good Mirul and Viven is soo good at it but,yes I eventually love Physics and getting the highest mark is just something to me.Viven also told me she even got an A1 for her so-unfavoured-subject.Pfft that girl.She can get any good grades haha

Enough with all the good news.Let's talk about how 'great' my night is with this runny nose and giddy head.

It was one of those turtorous nights for I kept my air-conditioner off on purpose for the whole night.I even wore my jacket so I kind of sweating which I felt very revolting of.I momentarily slept at my parents' room and my mom nagged at me while I was sleeping and she tried to wake me up for the whole hour to get me walk to my own room hahah

Didn't come for Tilawah class today.Nevertheless,I can tolerate it now :) I mean,my voice just keep getting better with the voice excercise we keep on doing and without the Tilawah class,I wouldn't have known that I can actually reach the second highest note confidently.It may not sound that beautiful but at least I wasn't like,shrilling,y'know.But the thought of attending the class this Sunday with this runny nose just made me cringed.I can't sing high notes like this -.- but I'll try.

So,I guess I've talked enough and I think it's time for revisions :) May you guys have a good day ahead and Ill talk to you guys later!

Goin' back to my childhood hometown was the best thing ever! Abang Fadhlan,a brother of the adopted brother of my father was having his grand wedding today at Kuala Belait.Yes,I used to live there and life used to be so much fun! Not that,life today isn't fun but whatever haha

We pulled out our car at 8 in the morning from Brunei-Muara and I brought my Arabic language note as well for me to memorize at the car since I'm having my test in the couple of days and the journey was going to be 2 hours long so I guess bringing my Arabic language notes with me would be fine.

I didn't sleep or even doze off for the whole two hours.Memorizing and sight-seeing along the roads and all those good memories at Kuala Belait were conjured up and I was almost on the verge of tears.I can hardly cry these days but,Belait hold a lot of good memories and I've never had a single of a bad one.I remember we used to go to Pizza Hut and ate a lot.We used to go to the local markets and purchased vegies.We used to go to Soon Lee and had our grocery stuffs bought.We also used to go to the home of Abang Fadhlan's [also his parents' anyway] every weeknights and hung out.That was when their home was still diminutive but compact.

Years had passed and I had grown up.We,precisely.I went to the Arabic school and prospered.They were too.Abang Fadhlan applied a job in Engineering and currently,he is a pilot after quite a few years and he is not a day older than 28 years old! How young.Abang Faizal,his another brother worked at BSP.Abang Azman [but everybody call him A-ZE-MAN] is studying at UBD while his other sister,Kak Zu,is getting her scholarship to UK in Computering.I envy them in a good way.I wanna be somebody better than them.They inspire me so much and I thank them for everything.

Back to what I was about to talk.We arrived at Kuala Belait at 10 in the morning and after shaking hands with the folks of Abang Fadhlan’s,we sat at the living room while waiting for the guests to come.Folks from Kuching also came! We were pretty close to them and had lost contact for 10 years or so.Everybody was communicating in Bahasa Kuching and they’re being soo nice.I can never forget them.I have to say,Malaysians that I had met so far are supremely polite.I have went to Malaysia a few times already and mostly,the friends of my mom and dad’s are Malaysians especially their lecturers.After eating the meals that were being served,we had to accompany the groom [Abang Fadhlan] for a grand wedding at hall of IGS college.

I don’t know how to say this but,I’ve invariably got intimidated after seeing slender ladies with fabulous attires and gorgeous-looking hair.The cousins and family members of the bride are soo pretty since well,the bride herself is a stewardess.We also got to capture pictures with Abang Fadhlan and guess what,after I shook my hands with him,he looked down at me and said “OMG,you grew up soo much after these years! You used to be the adorable favourite little girl of mine!” I know,we used to spend so much time together with Uncle Julaihi and Babu Zu [Abang Fadhlan’s parents] as well as their children.And those good times,will be impossibly forgotten J